the 5 of wands and inner conflict

I’ve always seen the 5 of wands as conflict, pure and simple. It’s very cut and dry to me: everyone’s fighting, and there’s a lot of strife, and that’s what the card means. I have never allowed the card to speak to me of nuances and deep, personal truths.

Cue the Fountain Tarot, an amazingly expansive deck made up of ethereal oil-paintings that hint of dreams, the unknown, and the self.
The imagery on this 5 of wands is one of action, surely, but this portrayal runs deeper, more shadowy.

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the hurricane and the 8 of swords

Today I’m sitting in the emotional aftermath of a hurricane that ripped apart my city, took the lives of some of its citizens, and destroyed roads and homes and possessions. I spent my week staring at the news and out the window, riding panic attack after panic attack as I tried to decide whether my family was safe in our home or if we needed to leave. It quickly became apparent that even if we wanted to leave, we were trapped in: we had nowhere to go. My place of work barely escaped being flooded by about a foot, while friends and acquaintances were fielding 8 feet of water in their homes. My family and I were fortunate, and continue to be blessed beyond belief.

While I was trapped in what felt like, in my panic, my future place of death, I thought about the 8 of swords. Continue reading “the hurricane and the 8 of swords”

The High Priestess reversed – rending the veil

Today’s energies revolve around the reversed High Priestess. In order to talk about this Major Arcana card in reverse, it’s first important to talk about her as she shows herself upright.

The High Priestess, key II, comes directly after the potent burst of energy by the Magician. Her magic is no less powerful, no more hidden than her Magician counterpart, yet it manifests in an entirely different way. She, positioned between her two pillars, embodies the connection between human and the Divine, the magician and the source of magic. She does not need a go-between; she is both the veil and the rending of the veil, giving light to that which had formerly been obscured to all but the initiates. When the High Priestess arrives, know that you are an initiate, no – you are beyond the need for initiation and are a part of the grand tableau in your own right.

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purpose within personal practice

Alright, let’s talk about purpose within the context of personal practice.

Purpose, and having a sense of what I’m supposed to be doing, is an issue I struggle with on a regular basis. I’m the kind of person who sets a goal, strives towards it, meets the goal (or the goal becomes irrelevant to my current path), and then suddenly realizes that I no longer have a point in the distant future to run towards. I do this with mundane life and my practice in general. It’s disorienting, and frequently leads to me spending large chunks of time running back and forth, wasting energy moving myself in circles trying to figure out what to do next, rather than being able to fall back on a fundamental system that governs the action aspects of my psyche and processes.

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a shout into the void

I’ve kept blogs, journals, sketchbooks, and other sorts of self-documentation for as long as I can remember. In my late teens, I kept a public (though anonymous) profile, posting on forums and a series of blogs that became less anonymous with each iteration. It was my shout into the void, a way of reaching out to something, someone, who might feel a connection with what I had to say. In those early blogs, I sought validation, recognition, a way to not feel totally alone with who I was and how I thought.

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